Wow! What a weekend. The beautiful weather, the Red Sox, the Yankees, the indulging with food, drink and spending time with family and friends. These events were all meaningful and fun, but not as meaningful as visiting a dear old friend. My friend Ernie is in a nursing home and was our neighbor for several years. I had only visited him and his wife one or two times when they first became residents in the home. Since then Ethel his wife has passed away. I always thought about visiting him and I always talked about visiting him. I just never acted upon those thoughts or conversations.
I remember as a child going to visit my grandmother each summer. We were never truly close until I moved back to the east coast and moved into the same home as her. We lived together for nine months and created a special bond between us. I would come home after school and watch Days of Our Lives with her. We laughed a lot, cried a lot and made lots of special memories. After my parents and I moved out of their home and to NH, my grandmother went into a nursing home a couple of years later. My mother and I would try and visit each Sunday. These trips were never easy for me or her. Watching someone you love age really sucks.
I can still remember in my Driver’s Education class one day driving with my instructor. We were driving by a nursing home and he sighed and stated,”That is the last place someone will ever live.” Well that did not settle to well with me and knowing my grandmother was in one broke my heart. He did not say it to upset me; he was simply stating the truth which I was unable to handle at that time. So as the years went by with not visiting Ernie, I wonder if that was due to watching my grandmother literally getting weaker, older, and losing so many functions that I now take for granted.
Yesterday Mike, Avery, Rocco and I went to see Ernie. As I was walking down the halls, memories came rushing through my heart and brain. Seeing these wonderful nurses take care of their aging residents brought joy to my heart. I then realized as a teenager seeing this same type of situation freaked me out. So I then immediately thought about what my kids were thinking right now? Were they taken back by seeing the aging process? Were they uncomfortable? These were the same prejudices I felt when I was young. We are so conditioned to believe at a young age that nothing will change within our bodies and we are forever young on the inside and out. I asked Rocco yesterday how he felt about it and he did say he felt uncomfortable in the nursing home. I as well as many others can relate. We found Ernie’s room and walked in. There he was curled up in his bed, unrecognizable. The Ernie I remembered years ago tending to a garden and walking into my house without notice was not this same man.
I woke him up and for the first few minutes he had no idea who we were. Actually, why should he remember? We never took the time to get in our car and drive the ten minutes to see him. We were always too busy or when we had time, we just wanted to chill in our own house and relax. I do forgive myself and will move on without any guilt. Seeing him was such an eye opening lesson of how we are all human and deserve courteous and respectful human kindness. Our next few moments, a light bulb clicked in Ernie’s mind and he remembered who we were. I was completely wrong! He was recognizable and still the same man we remembered. He just became older and probably a hell of a lot wiser than I am or will ever be. We spoke of Ethel and her passing that happened two years ago. He told the story like it happened yesterday. As he was telling it, he cried and I also had tears welling up in my eyes. Right at that moment, my light bulb clicked and I knew I would be back to see him in a few short days. I asked him what he liked and he replied, “Cheezits and Cheese Whiz”. I am on it! He showed us his paintings he did with watercolor and I suggested that he should frame them.
All we want in this world is to be loved and treated kindly. All Ernie wants is someone to talk too. I am so grateful that not only did Ernie come into my life, but he is still here for me to enjoy his company and crazy stories! I am especially glad that he is my dear friend. Never forget that we can learn many valuable lessons from someone who has been here longer than us. I am not certain that I agree with what I stated earlier that aging sucks. Aging may not be graceful or kind on the outside, but on the inside the stillness and simplistic gifts is gives is wonderful. If we could only all be still and present like Ernie we would be healthier and happier. We would also be, “having to always get somewhere or that always trying to be somewhere” mentality.
Please, be patient, be kind and be present for our older friends. Hear the birds, smell the flowers and JUST BE! Peace
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