So, own up……how many of us fall into that category? ME! I have no problem owning up to that one. All my life I have had this gift (let me call it what I choose). Most of us get upset or maybe discouraged with these 3 simple letters….ADD. Honestly, I was not even aware of it until my 30’s. Now thinking back things are making more sense to me of why things happened the way they did and why I felt certain ways with certain subjects. Once I was self diagnosed a huge relief came over me of why I am the way I am.
Things like when I had children and they were small, some of my friends also had children and were getting so much shit done. In the meantime, I felt like there were never enough hours in the day to just do the basics. My brain would actually hurt if I had too many things on my to do list. It literally felt like my head was spinning out of control. Now back to my little ones who are my world. Do I ever look back and regret not getting “housework” done? No way! I pretty much was that mom who held her kids every moment I got. When they would cry, be fussy or even taking naps. I remember just sitting there on the weekends with Avery in my arms for 2 hours while she slept. I would choose that moment any day over yucky dishes & piled up laundry that hurt my brain. I forget the wise guru who said this to me a long time ago, “Dishes and laundry will always be there”. Brilliant! So why try and keep up with them when you know you will never defeat them? The moments that mattered to me were watching my kiddos do little quirky things and hugging, hugging and more hugging!
My ADD can sometimes be a challenge when it comes to writing or meditating. For instance, I have been working on a book for 3 years now. I start, stop and repeat. A couple of times I considered going to my nurse practitioner and inquiring about meds. I figured I would be able to focus on my writings more and be more productive. Some voice inside me, however keeps saying, “No, do not take anything to mess with your brain”. So I figured if God or some other being wanted me to focus more he wouldn’t have given me the lack of focus and be accepting of it, right?
My ADD can sometimes be my friend. It gives me a chance to know and do a little with a lot of things. Does that make sense? I am great at multi tasking. The jobs get organized, however may not be complete right away. It’s all good, and when things needed to be completed they will. Maybe it is not me. Maybe it is the fact everyone is always in a rush & does not know when to just chill. My ADD for some reason loves to sit and be when I am outside. It takes in the sun, clouds, wind and all the creatures around me and embraces it all.
When I have a “bonkers” moment with my ADD, I stop and stay still. I go within myself and say give me strength and guidance please to where or whatever it is I need to do next. To this day, it has not failed me. I have come to the conclusion that my son, Rocco has inherited this “gift” as well. I am guiding him and helping him right now find the strengths more so than the weaknesses with this 3 letter disorder that has so many people in a frenzy. I want my children to know how I become peaceful, where I ask and seek guidance from and simply want them to know that I am absolutely not stripping sheets and scrubbing tubs!
I will admit I did come from the environment where both my parents loved to clean. They actually enjoy it! God bless them and the others out there! I envy your discipline. I remember as a kid, Saturday being “chore” day. YUCK! My mom never expected many chores from me. She only asked for me to clean my room, put my clothes away and sometimes clean our 1 bathroom. I still complained. She would even fold my clothes for me and put them in neat piles on my bed. She is a saint. Well needless to say, those piles would wind up on the floor & the piles would grow.
My parents labeled me as lazy. So I guess being lazy was my teenage code. Looking back I do not feel that was a correct diagnosis’. I believe my brain had a difficult time focusing on one mundane chore. Getting overwhelmed for me @ a young age and sometimes now is a struggle. As a child I remember my schoolwork (especially math) made my head spin and I would break down and cry. I could not comprehend these numbers or the solutions. My parents should have seen the red flag when my second grade teacher, Mrs. Minter labeled me as a “daydreamer”. That I still am.
I believe for those of you who have ADD, embrace it! Even with ADD I am and strive to be balanced. When my scales (I am a Libra) get a bit out of whack, I am a nut. I want you all to know that is possible to live with ADD, be at peace, and love your crazy inability to focus. This gift can take you places and even put things into perspective. I know what is important in my life and what can be placed on the back burner (yup, the one I am not cleaning today). It is different for all of us, just make sure to love every piece of you…..don’t try and figure out all of our mysteries. Just be.
I don't know if I have ADD or not, but I certainly relate to that never ending "to do" list that's always screaming at me. Your blog makes me feel a little better about my inability to focus.
ReplyDeleteMost of my neighbors seem to have such neat and tidy homes that I wonder what I am doing wrong.
And because I don't always have my things in order, I feel like a hypocrite if I tell my kids to.
I wonder if I should be more insistent that they work on order and neatness.
However, my oldest daughter (26) who grew up in this same environment has a neatness fetish. She will stay up until the wee hours of the morning cleaning her apartment until it's spotless. Go figure?
Thanks again, Sandi.